By Robin of Berkeley
July 08, 2009
As you might know by now, I'm in
recent recovery from lifelong liberalism. Part of my program is confessing my
sins. In my articles, I try to be as candid and honest as I can (which is great
therapy, though, at times, I feel like I'm on one of those reality shows where
you folks are chilling with a cold beer and saying, "Does she have any
idea what a jerk she's been?" and, "Oh my God, does her face scream
Botox or what?")
Well, you know, I deserve it. I
was leftist for so many years, and I thought and said so many idiotic things
that a little gentle ribbing is good for the soul (remember, the operative word
is "gentle"). And I was a hypocrite. I preached forgiveness and
kindness toward all, except conservatives. I prided myself on being a spiritually
evolved being who refrained from stereotyping and discrimination. And yet I was
engaged in prejudice against a whole group of people.
Well I've renounced it all, and
feel like the world's biggest ignoramus. A meatball, blockhead, sap, twit,
peabrain, chowderhead, dipstick, dolt, and dumb cluck (I consulted my thesaurus
for help here). But part of the reason why I was a class A
fool was because I had been fooled. I saw all the Michael Moore movies and heard
Michael Parenti speak, and bought books by Chomsky and Zinn, and listened to
left of left KPFA radio, and did everything I was supposed to. My father raised
me to despise conservatives, so there you go. I was brainwashed.
But if you think I'm the rare
bird, sorry Charley. Almost every liberal in the Blue States feels the same
mindless malice toward the Right. (I imagine that in the Red States, liberals
have to behave themselves because they're in the minority and, frankly, you
people are armed.) Even my moderate Democratic friends from outside California regard
conservatives with venom. Whipped up by rage at the Man and US Imperialism
planted in the recesses of their brains by the far Left, liberals blame all
wars, racism, recession, urban violence, poverty, even athlete's foot and
hemorrhoids, on those satanic conservatives.
How well do you know your average
liberal? To determine your LI (Liberal IQ), I have devised the following quiz.
See if you can answer the following like a
1. The cause(s) of global warming
is:
a. C2 emissions.
b. Rush
Limbaugh's hot air
c. George Bush.
d. All of the above.
2. The biggest threat facing the
a.
b.
c. Home grown radical Islam.
d. Talk Radio.
3. We joined the Allies during
WWII because of:
a. Hitler
b. Japanese Emperor Hirohito
c.
d. A Right Wing Conspiracy
4. Before I go to sleep at night I
give thanks to:
a. Jesus.
b. The Hebrew God.
c. Allah.
d. Lama Obama.
5. These are a few of my favorite
things:
a. Pledging to help Obama change
the world.
b. Giving spare change to the
victims of
c. Wishing bodily harm on George
Bush and Sarah Palin.
d. All of the above.
If you selected D,
congratulations! You have excellent LI. That's the good news; the bad news is
that you are up to speed and know that there are countless people out there who
despise conservatives.
Given the current climate, I didn't
exactly pick the greatest time in the world to switch parties. I'm living
surrounded by leftists, and hear trash talk every single day. Liberals are
amazingly creative at peppering their daily chitchat with attacks on
conservatives ("Hello, I'd like a decaf mocha, and didn't George Bush
destroy this country?") If I responded the way I'd like to, I'd lose my
livelihood and risk my life.
Instead, to cope with the constant
barrage, I've perfected a beautific Mona Lisa smile: a half smile that reveals
nothing. It's not an enthusiastic, perky full-smile nor is it a pejorative
smirk or scowl. My Mona Lisa creates a momentary confusion in the other
("What is that odd look on Robin's face -- is she agreeing, disagreeing,
or does she have gas?") just long enough for me to hop right in and change
the subject. For instance, when a colleague said to me, "Obama is doing
such great things to get us out of the recession which those disgusting
Republicans got us into," my knee jerk reaction was to get in his face,
but instead I bit off a little piece of tongue while doing my Mona Lisa
personal best.
So, friends, we have a bit of a PR
nightmare on our hands. In my opinion, conservatives need to mix things up a
bit and get the word out that we are not the offspring of Lucifer. Perhaps a
big tent, an end to infighting, and a sense of humor will help. Here is my
small contribution to this political face lift, an Extreme Makeover,
Conservative Edition: Robin's top ten list. Please
post some of your own to keep the positive energy (as we say in Berkeley) going.
Robin's Top Ten List of Why
Conservatism Rocks:
(Actually there are more than ten -- there
were too many to limit it!)
16. We have lovely Miss Carrie Prejean; they
have Missing Link Janeane Garofalo
15. Cool men of Steele: Shelby and
Michael.
14. Conservative guys will beat
the crap out of our assailant; liberal men will offer him money for food.
13. Can remove sign, "When
it's yellow, let it mellow; when it's brown, flush it down,"and flush
toilet with impunity (yes, actual sign seen in
12. Higher resale value on my car:
No angry bumper stickers!
11. Now we can
rail against the Man (which they are, even if they deny it)
10. Replaced mean Sean (Penn) with
clean Sean (Hannity)
9. Talk Radio!
8. No need to queue up for latest
Michael Moore movie
7. We have God; they have trolls.
6. Being part of sexy,
countercultural, free thinking new movement.
5. My work ethic has already
improved. (it's true!)
4. Bye bye tie dye!
3. American Thinker.
2. Happiness is a warm gun.
1. No Obama, No Trauma.
A frequent contributor to AT,
Robin is a recovering liberal and psychotherapist trapped in