Fulfilling the Desire
of His Heart
One day during prayer, I asked the Father, "What is
foremost on your heart?" He answered in a way that could
not have been clearer to me, "My burden and concern is
the same as yours - My children are not walking with Me as
Having three Spirit-filled children who are not serving God,
I knew His heartache. I have prayed many hours for my children,
not that they would become richer or greater, but the Lord
knew that my greatest desire was for them to serve Him.
There was no problem convincing my children that they needed
salvation. They accepted Jesus readily. Also, they agreed
that they needed the infilling of the Holy Spirit. But when
it came to the cross, their denying "self" and their
own ways, there was a "mule stubbornness" that came
upon them, as on all too many of the Lord's children.
Our dying on a cross is not received like salvation, or the
infilling of the Holy Spirit and gifts, which are freely given.
There is a price that must be paid in giving up our life for
His. Therefore, when the time arrives to surrender our all,
place ourselves on the cross, and abandon our selfish will,
we balk and begin to back away from God.
On March 16, 1970, at the age of 40, Jesus filled me with
the Holy Spirit. Of course, like many in those days, I thought
I had arrived. Little did I know that this is where it begins.
Like all (supposedly) good charismatics, I joined the circuit.
I went to meetings, heard testimonies, fellowshipped, made
and compared notes. I prayed diligently and sought out those
to whom I might "minister." They were everywhere,
looking for answers from each other and getting into trouble
with "kitchen prophecies." Some were damaged irreparably
by chasing demons in everyone and everything.
At this time, those who were preaching "sanctification"
were also preaching no makeup, no jewelry, etc. and the new
"Holy Ghost" people were not responding. We were
looking for the power, miracle gifts and healing, feeling
that this was the ultimate.
We were not taught that the "Holy Spirit and Fire"
was to burn up the dross and purify us so we could be useful
in the Kingdom. Did we ever get that wrong.
Twenty years later, the Lord is loudly, clearly saying, "Have
you run out of your own steam yet? Do you realize that nothing
done in your own zeal will last? Are you ready now to receive
understanding of what I expect from you?"
Some are responding, but many have given up. This is the
burden on the heart of our Heavenly Father - all the thousands
who were washed into the Body of Christ, but have gone back
to their old ways.
Being Spirit baptized, but not understanding that there is
a further work the Lord seeks to accomplish in their lives
for a higher purpose, they (including my three children) have
pushed Him down and covered Him over. My prayer, like David's
for these is, "Create in (them) a clean heart and renew
a right spirit within (them). Restore unto (them) the joy
of their salvation."
The Lord never told us to run on our own. His intention was
for the Holy Spirit to teach us about Jesus; to conform us
into His image, to renew our minds and transform us into His
likeness. It takes trials, testings, and tribulations, "for
the perfecting of the saints."
At this time, the Lord is sovereignly turning us around,
changing us, and revealing Christ in us, that He might be
revealed through us. Many are hearing Him, others are not;
but they will hear, some from a deep, dark place of despair.
He is allowing, in His mercy, some to be dealt with severely
in order to bring forth the "gold" of His nature
"I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the
fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment,
that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame
of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine
eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see. As many
as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous
therefore, and repent" Rev 3:18-19.
"Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die,
it abideth alone" John 12:24a. We must die to our own
ways, deny self, and abandon all that is less than His desire
and purpose for us.
How glorious it is when we yield to the work of the cross
and are resurrected into His presence and purpose.